July 6, 2014
It is just an ordinary day with the same routine. We went to church at seven o’clock in the morning, had our breakfast at Chowking and went home afterwards. It is Sunday, a great time to relax after a long, busy weekdays at work. With nothing much to do, I’ve decided to watch a movie. Being lazy and lying on my bed all day long, there is this someone I really miss so much! I felt a little bit of heartache and loneliness right after. I told myself – “this is what you want, you made this rules so live with it”. I turned my attention again to the movie I was watching.
I’ve been trying to forget this guy I’ve met 2 or 3 weeks ago. It is not because I don’t like him, but because I’m falling in love with him. Just this afternoon, my confusion with what I really feel about him has ended! It is confirmed, I love him! I love Rendell!
What comes after this realization? I really don’t have any idea at all since I didn’t expect myself to fall in love with this kind of guy. I don’t know him that well, I mean what I know comes from what he chose to show me. And that’s one of the reasons why I want to stay away from him. I know it takes time for two people to get to know each other, but with this one, I have this feeling that it will stay like that – no progress at all.
But he makes me happy – the reason why I’m still getting in touch with him. Any idea how hard it is right now? Before, I told him that I don’t want a relationship with him because I can’t do the part of being a girlfriend and other things that is required when one is committed to another person.
Aside from the said reasons, I am so afraid. I can’t tell right now where is this feeling of being afraid coming from. As of now, there are three things I am sure of. One, I love him. Two, I want to be his girl. Three, I want to have a normal date with him in public.