I sprained my ankle… What to do???

Posted: February 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Five days ago, I was going down the stairs when suddenly got into an accident and sprained my ankle.  I thought it was just a minor sprain that it will subside on the next day or two.  I raised my right foot and put an ice on it.  On the first hour after the accident, I can still walk with moderate pain.  As the night came and I was getting ready to sleep and rest my foot, I suddenly felt the pain from moderate to severe.  If I have to rate it from 1 to 10, I will rate as 10.  Totally a severe pain!  

On the first night, I had a hard time sleeping because of the pain and I don’t know what position will be the best for my right foot to be comfortable.  It took two hours for me to be able to sleep due to the severe pain.  It didn’t end there.  The pain I suffered that night woke me up and again I had a hard time going back to sleep.   

I looked at it as soon as I woke up the next day.  My ankle was obviously swollen and it was black and bluish in color.  I wasn’t able to go to work and wasn’t able to walk.  Every time I need to get something, I jumped with one foot of course!  Walking up the stairs hadn’t been that hard before I sprained my ankle.  I crawled.  I cried not because of the pain, but because of the inability to walk.  I felt worthless but still I tried to walk.  

On the third day, no progress!  As the afternoon approached, we went to a traditional massage healer.  She did what she had to do.  A little pain subsides on the fourth day but still, it was swollen and getting dark in color.  I was afraid.  I found out the best way to walk, considering my condition.  With the ability to walk again, but still with pain, I went to the doctor.  I had my x-ray and found out that I have a fracture.  

The doctor told me that it takes time to heal.  In my condition, it will take two to three months before I can walk normally again.  I’ve got ketoprofen (the topical one as anti-inflammatory) and calcium carbonate as a prescribed medicines.  

 

Lesson learned:  We will never know the extent of an injury, better consult the doctor as soon as possible.  

Many people ask me why I don’t practice my profession as a Nurse.  For my first year of holding the title of a “Nurse” as my profession, I always answered them in this way – “Yeah it’s a nice profession but Nurses here in our country doesn’t get the right salary. Others are being paid but their salary is below minimum.  Many are volunteers which is not acceptable.”  After, they will have this follow up question – ” so, why did you take that course?”.  My answer will be – “my family wanted me to”.  Then, end of discussion.  

As I continued my life outside the medical world, my interests in Witchcraft came back.  I studied Wicca, Paganism, Witchcraft, Psychic, Tarot Reading, Crystals, and other things that a practitioner needs to learn.  One day, my friend told me that I am an Empath.  OOKKKAAAYYY!????   I didn’t mind what he told me.  At first, the word “empath” sounds familiar that i didn’t give time to learn more about it and how does it affect the entire “ME”.  

Being an Empath is a gift not a curse or something bad.  An empath will always be an empath until the day he/she dies.  Be happy even though you’re going to be sad most of the time, many will drain you, feel things that might actually scares you, but hey look at the bright side – You have a gift to help others.  (and many more; helping others is the most important thing for me on this matter)

When I knew that I am really an Empath, I felt a little bit scared and of course, happy!  I had my duties at the hospital when I was still a student nurse, I felt the heavy feeling inside me.  I didn’t want to admit it to myself but I actually kind of feel the pain, suffering and depression of the patients.  During that time, I didn’t have any idea about empath so I don’t know how to cleanse myself from these negative energy that was attached on me.  Later on, I was filled with negative energy and when I started to study Paganism and witchcraft, etc., I started to feel at ease.  With every lesson, I find a new way to develop, to heal, and to protect myself from the things that a new world forgot.  

 

-Don’t underestimate the power of Mother Earth, our nature, to heal yourself.  We all came from her, and She will take care of us, just don’t forget to take care and thank her for everything you have-    MIDNIGHTSOLITAIRE –  that’s me =) 

Know yourself – its a good thing!

Posted: February 12, 2014 in Uncategorized
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When I noticed that I like to stay in my room for hours or even a day, I didn’t have any idea what’s going on with me.  I just felt at ease, relax with me, myself and I.  It gives me comfort and peace of mind.  But sometimes, as I lay down on my bed, ideas are coming and I can’t control it.  

As years pass by, I’m still the same.  I enjoy locking myself in my room.  I read books, novels, comics, stories from the internet.  I play games, research on something that will visit my mind.  I do got out, when I need to pee or grab something to eat or drink.  Then all of a sudden, I will start to feel all alone like no one really cares for me that’s why I stayed for hours, alone in my room.  This situation makes me feel sad – then I feel depress.  And that’s the time I will go out, really go out.  I’ll take a walk, look for something to buy, or grab a bottles of beer.  

One day, as I look for something to watch, I’ve seen this movie and its about a girl who is an introvert.  I became interested and looked for other stuff that an introvert does.  And guess what?  As I go on, check the characteristics of an introvert, oh my!  I’m kind of 100% sure that I belong.  Woooh!

When sadness strikes, all i have to do is do something productive.  I keep myself busy.  But let me tell you this, its not that easy to deal with it.  I just keep on fighting.  

Have a good day everyone!

The beauty that is forgotten!

Every once in a while, we all want to go far away from what we use to do everyday. A little time with nature, a little time to be with our Mother Earth again. It is not everyday that we appreciate what we have around, but she never stops to remind us how bless we all are. May we never forget to protect her, appreciate and love her.

Image  —  Posted: February 11, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I wish I know what I want in my life.  I hate being pushed to do something I really don’t want, but I always let it happen.  For three years, I feel like I’m nothing.  It is because I do what they want me to do, not what I want.  Being controlled for so long, I feel the feeling of being dead.

I wish I have the courage, the strength, the confidence that I need to go on with my life and make it as perfect as what I see in movies.  I like to think that these things that I need are hidden inside of me, and I just have to dig deeper.  But each day that passes by, feels like I’m going down and nowhere.  Each day, I’m becoming more afraid about what life has to offer, and afraid of people around me.

I wish I know where to start, but the problem is I always keep coming back and be no one.  I can’t finish something and I don’t know why.  I can’t even make a plan for a year.  I don’t have a plan for myself anymore.

I wish I can be the girl I was once again – full of dreams, full of hopes.

Where did my old self go?  Where are the dreams?  Where are the plans?  And the answer is – I do not know!

bottle

I want to know where to start.  Right now, I don’t know what else to say.  I want to try every opportunity to find out what I really want, but they’re blocking my way.  Yeah! They – the what we so called “FAMILY”.  I am tired of what’s happening in my life and still they don’t listen.  I want to let it all out, but when I do, it is useless!  That’s why I’m typing it all down here.

And hey!  There’s nothing going on with my life, I am stuck!

I wish God can read this blog of mine.  I’m sure God knows what I want, and I wish that He would enlighten my mind to figure it all out.  I wish He’ll send me my Guardian Angel to help me because no one bothers to listen and talk to me.

And so, I said it all!  All my wishes!  How sad can life be in just one snap?

Lately, I feel more confuse than before about my feelings with my boyfriend.  I am not sure if I still love him that much, or simply just fall out of love.  I am trying to figure things out between the two of us, but the more I think, the more I feel that the love I have for him is slowly fading away.  Right now, I am not one hundred percent sure of what I feel.

On the first year of our relationship, he wanted me to love him the way he loves me.  And the thing is, I can’t simply do that, because I can’t simply force myself to love a guy that much during the first year of a relationship.  I mean, we were just starting and giving all that I could give is not a joke.  But few months before our 2nd anniversary, I started to feel the love he wants me to give him.  So, I did show him that I love him so much, and as we go on with our relationship, things have changed.  On the first year, our relationship was his priority.  But when he started to continue this some kind of path he have chosen, I started to feel that our relationship will experience a problem because of what he have chosen.  And it happened.  There were times that we were arguing about this path and our relationship.  He has more time with this path, and less time for our relationship.  We can’t have any other topic like before.  Every time we start a conversation, its always about his path, what he did with his group and this – and that!  He is always excited to share everything about his path.  I can’t feel anymore the love he used to show me.  Its like, from a girlfriend to a friend.  At first, I think I’m bored.  Yeah!  And from boredom, I’ve got confused.

All I want is a normal relationship.  Talking about a lot of things, making an effort to show one’s love and everything a normal relationship has.  One day, he asked me if there’s someone else that I am seeing.  I want to get mad, but I can’t.  That kind of question doesn’t even bother me anymore.  I am not dating anyone, I’m just not sure of what I feel for him anymore.  If our relationship is not in the list of his priority, then I don’t think this relationship will go far from what he have right now.

I did support him, but he forgot what he was like and changed.  I always explain what I feel, but he is just listening, he doesn’t understand me at all.  I am tired of explaining, I just want to be sure of what I feel.  Am I ready to let go of myself from this?  I wish I’ll have the answer soon.

I do have 265 friends in my facebook account, but I hardly get the chance to talk to at least 10 people out of that 265. I don’t know why! Sometimes, I am thinking if the problem is myself, but as I come to realization, I felt that I’ve changed a lot. Yeah! Half of that change is for the better, and the other half is – I think some kind of hiding. I don’t know if this is my punishment for myself, or I’m just putting myself out of trouble.

As I look back, I realized that for the past 2 or 4 years, my life was a mess! And as I go on with my life, fighting for something that I really don’t know, I got tired. Tired of what was going on with my life, with what I was doing back then. But though I got tired of it all, I don’t regret every single moment of that part in my life. Because my life was total messed up, I’ve got the chance to know the real world, the real people, the fight we have to give, and the loss we have to accept. Maybe not the whole process, but I also got the chance to know how life works and how to deal with it.

Life is a gift! A good thinking is one key to survive. We are not born in this world to have a self-centered life, we are here to share one’s knowledge on how to love others, how to make peace with others, how to care for others, and how to appreciate the things around us. Simple yet a very hard thing to do right?

I’m on the process of getting to know the real me, how I deal with my life and I love it! Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to know yourself and be “you” anytime, but if you do believe in reincarnation, I think it won’t be that hard in your next life.

Every time that I feel alone and when I start talking to myself that is always ending up with how I see life in my own little way, I will just smile and realize that I am not alone. I am with myself.

One maybe physically alone, but if you will remind how you love yourself by being who you truly are, you are not alone – and God is with you.